In 1995 I had my first Assistant Props job working at Radford, Stage 24, for the television show Love & War starring Jay Thomas and Susan Day… who magically turned into Annie Potts for season 2 because Susan Day didn’t know what a Weber Grill was (that’s another story). I had purchased a yellow tux jacket at a thrift store for $7.00 as an occasional party jacket. I’d wear it to a party. Expecting some guy to say, “A yellow tux jacket? You’re crazy!” I’d say, “I am! How about a free beer!” Other guy, “Nope.” Anyway, it was a concept.
So the wrap party rolls around and I think that my Yellow Party Tux would be fun and my wife Beth did not disagree so off we went. At the wrap party they had disposable flash film cameras on every table. If you were a sentient being in the 90s and went to a wedding reception, you know the deal. Having actually worked on stage with these actors I wanted my friends and family in Cleveland to believe that I was best friends with famous people. Thing is, I was still too nervous to actually ask them to take a photo with me so I had my wife Beth just ask to take the actors photo and I snuck into the background.
That’s right, I was a photobomber before photobombing was a word. When we picked up the photos from the Fotomat, we both thought… hmmm, this might be a bit. And so it has become my bit. 27 years. Yellow Tux photobombing on mediocre television sit-coms. Enjoy.
Love and War – 1995
Me and my best friend Joanna Gleeson. We would kid her husband about his love of white things.
Me and my best friend Joel Murray. He was my AA sponsor for a while, but that didn't work out.
Me and my best friend Charlie Robinson. It was always funny when he farted on me!"
Me and my best friend Peter Bonerz. This is his "I'm ignoring you" bit. He always did that. That was his favorite bit.
Me and my best friend Jay Thomas. He would pretend to channel spirits and I would talk. We killed with that at parties.
Me and my best friend Diane English. This is the photo we used in the missing persons report. Where’d you go, ex-husband Joel?
Me and my best friend Annie Potts. She was always nice to the slow kids who showed at the charity fundraisers.
Jeff Foxworthy Show – 1996
Me and my best friend Jeff Foxworthy. he was always rescuing guys whose butt I was about to kick.
Me and my best friend Jay Mohr. You'll notice Jeff Foxworthy stealing my material... again.
Me and my best friend Jeff Foxworthy. I told him to sign this woman's baby's birth certificate. Sorry about the paternity suit buddy!
Me and my best friend G.W. Bailey. He and I posed for a shot with this hot young autograph seeker.
Me and my best friend Bill Engvall. This was my sign to him that his hair was stupid looking. He took that idea and made his whole 'Here's Your Sign' act. I was just glad to help.
Me and my best friend Hailey Joel Osment. I'd help him cheat at bowling and he said he'd help me with my career. Still waiting Hailey... just kidding. buddy.
DAG – 2000
Me and my best friend David Allen Grier. He always liked to joke about punching me in the chin.
Me and my best friend Larry Miller. He just slipped a live mouse into my jacket pocket and is waiting for me to freak out... and boy did I!
Me and my best friend John Fortenberry. He's trying to convince a shy young girl that I'm just like anybody else, and would be happy to talk to her about her career.
Me and my best friend Emmy Laybourne. My almost best friend Lea Moreno Young is there too.
Me and my best friend Delta Burke. She and her mom are both so hammered that I''m holding them up with special effects wire.
Me and my best friend Paul F. Tompkins. He's laughing at the joke I just told him about John Holmes, a coconut, and a canoe.
Me and my best friend Mel Jackson. Here he is telling his mother that he'll be home a little late because we are having a crazy, great time.
Reba – 2005
Me and my best friend Kieth Heisler. I hooked him up with this chick at a bar I own.
Me and my best friend Scarlette Pomers. I had to stop a number of sleazy record company types from ruining her music career. One down, one million to go.
Me and my best friend Reba McEntire. I had just killed that chinchilla and made it into a coat for her. She graciously didn't mention the horrible stench.
Me and my best friend Mitch Holleman. A rare moment when he is not wearing his prosthetic nose.
Me and my best friend Joanna Garcia. I was signaling to her posse to get rid of the other blonde. Regular blondes ruin a party for the awesome blondes.
Me and my best friend Steve Howey. He would sleep with guys just to show me that he could. You win again, Steve!
Me and my best friend Chris Rich. His “my ear wants to have sex with your ear” bit got really creepy, really fast.
The Winner – 2007
Me and my best friend Rob Corddry. Rob's giving me the silent treatment because it was T-shirt day and I didn't wear mine.
Me and by best friend Erinn Hayes. i told her that those Crest Teeth Whitening strips would work!
Me and my best friend Lenny Clarke. Lenny just shot a bottle rocket at a cat. That cat is down to 8 lives now. Nice shot, buddy!
Me and my best friend Mark Cendrowski. He always wanted me to smell his finger, but would never smell mine!
Me and my best friend Kier Gilquist. He said that if I bought him beer he'd hang out with me. Just like my friend Tom cruise, he's very short for 43 years old.
Disneyland – 2009
Me and my best friend Mickey Mouse. He said he'd trade all his international fame for my jacket, but you can't wear fame to a Denny's a 3am.
Me and my best friend Winnie The Pooh. Don't let Pooh run out of Honey. It's like an episode of Breaking Bad.
Me and my best friend Cinderella. She used to wish her dress was yellow like my jacket, and I used to wish her dress was open in the front, like my jacket!
Me and my best friend Minnie Mouse. When she and Mickey get freaky, I dress up like Kenny G and play the sax for them.
Me and my best friend Woody. We would drink Wild Turkey and fight about who had the stupidest
Me and my best friend Donald Duck. You might think his tail is wet because of the swimming... but he has a pretty bad bladder problem
Me and my best friends Maddy the Hat, Alice the Wonder, and Queenie the Red. We wrote a bunch of bad checks to some sod-busters from the plains. Just try and catch us in the psychedelic land of mushrooms!
Me and my best friend Tigger. His top is made out of rubber and his bottom is made out of springs but his middle is made of marshmallows and Jagermeister.
Me and my best friend Pluto. He's actually from Simi Valley, but the shit he smokes makes you think he's from another planet!
Me and my best friend Goofy. Thank god somebody is around to make me look cool.
Me and my best friend Eyore. You think this guys a downer in the books, DO NOT go to a funeral with him!
True Jackson – 2010
Me and my best friend Keke Palmer. Keke is completely blind. She totally thought she was kissing that guy. (Notice Santa trying to steal my bit)
Me and my best friend John Cena. He was angry that Heath's mustache was longer than his hair, so he grabbed him by the clavicle and threw him into a pile of barbed wire. Heal quick Heath!
Me and my best friend Freddie from iCarly. I was surprised that he didn't have more women with him cause he wore A LOT of Axe Body Spray.
Me and my best friend Tom "Biff" Wilson. We would dress up and pretend to travel through time. I don't think he knew it was pretend.
Me and my best friends Yo Gaba Gaba. The robot has a margarita machine in there. Luckily he's yellow so you can't tell when he pees himself.
Me and my best friend French Stewart. We completely rolled these two rubes from the mid-west for their wallets and jewelry.
Me and my best friend Julia Duffy. She's actually only 6 inches tall. We used forced perspective and puffy hair to make me look tiny.
Me and my best friend Yvette Nicole Brown. She would always rub her head against furry things. That's how we met - when I was wearing my furry pants.
Me and my best friend Santa Clause. I see my hand, but I can only guess where Santa's hands are.
Me and my best friend Dana Gould. He's talking to Greg Proops in a new language he invented. We laughed and laughed but I really didn't understand a word.
Me and my best friend Matt Shively. I put a cat turd on a stick and told him it was Ethiopian Pork. Gotcha!
Me and my best friend Dana Gould. He's talking to Greg Proops in a new language he invented. We laughed and laughed but I really didn't understand a word.
Me and my best friend Rico "Manny" Rodriguez. He's not normally a fan of the older ladies... but they're big fans of his. It's another Rico sandwich!!!
Me and my best friend Aiden Miner. When he returned from the future and I arrived from the past, we'd meet for cigars in our time machine!
Me and my best friend Principal Chuck Ruckman. I fooled that creepy nimrod again by disguising myself as Ron Vale. He seems suave and debonair on TV but he's just like you and me... mostly, like me.
Me and my best friend Danielle Bisutti. She always liked to prove that her armpit was nicer than my armpit.
Me and my best friend Ryan Sheckler. I always ask him to count and he can only get up to two. Take it easy on the concussions, buddy!
Me and my best friend Ashley Argota. Since she's so short we would pretend that my head was growing out of the top of her head. Obviously, that does draw a crowd of weirdos.
Me and my best friends Tom 'SpongeBob' Kenny and Rob 'Milhouse' Cohen. We had the best dinner at that Medieval Times in Kentucky!
Me and my best friend Dave Higgins. Strangely, we struck out with the ladies again with our killer green-helmet/yellow-tux combo.
Me and my best friend Ron Butler. People would always beg Ron to introduce them to me. Thankfully, he'd pretend not to know who I was.
Working Class – 2011
Me and my best friend Mary Tyler Moore...okay, Mary Tyler Moore said I was too old for her so I snagged this look-alike waitress at a seafood place in Pacoima.
Me and my best friend David Faustino. If you put him in water, he gets bigger, like those sponge dinosaurs in the catalogs.
Me and my best friend Martin Mull. Whenever he channeled spirits of the dead, I would tell people he was having a small seizure. Kept people from worrying.
Me and my best friend John Schneider. We would hang out alot with our other two best friends - Heineken and X-Box.
Me and my best friend Kathy Kinney. She would hold her breath until I gave her a foot massage.Thanks for having small feet, Kathy!
Me and my best friend Patrick Fabian. I would pretend to be a cancerous growth on his back and that would get him out of sexual harassment lawsuits. Dodged another one buddy!
Me and my best friend Ryan Stiles. He is so tall I have to protect him from lighting fixtures and doorways... but not from blonds. Keep your head down buddy!
My and my best friend Ed Asner. He'd pretend to be dead to lure in the ladies. It worked more often than you'd think.
Me and my best friend Steve Kazee. He was always afraid Melissa Peterman was trying to kill him… he wasn’t wrong!
Are You There, Chelsea? – 2012
Me and my best friend Natasha Leggero. She's always wished that she had no arms or legs, so we wrap her in black and pretend she's just a head!
Me and my best friend Ali Wong. When she forgot her hat, I would pretend that my head was her hat.
Me and my best friend Laura Prepon. We would use each other as shields to protect us from the paparazzi. Your turn best friend!
He always worries that he's not well known,but why else would these girls grab his nipples?!
Me and my best friend Mark Povinelli. You may not recognize him from the movie that's not out yet, but I don't recognize him from all the theater I haven't bothered seeing him in.
Me and my new best friend SKINNY Lenny Clark. Eating bananas with the peel is one of his weight loss tricks. Learned that from Tim Gunn.
Me and my best friend Wilmer "FES" Valderama. I would tell people he was the Justin Bieber of Venezuela and they would pretend to recognize him!
Me and my best friend Chelsea Handler. People would gather around her to hear the fart noises she could make with her face. All the funny without the smell!
Me and my best friend Jake McDorman. We took a Winnebago trip through South America one summer. Those rashes will not go away, will they buddy?
Me and my best friend Estelle Harris. Just like Mrs. Potato Head, she would always lose her teeth. That's why I kept spare dentures in my tuxedo pocket!
Me and my best friend Mario Lopez. I would always have to remind him to wear underwear in a limo... in case he was wearing a kilt. Good thing you're not Scottish buddy!
Me and my best friend Lauren Lapkus. We talk a lot about condiments. I just got a text about relish.It's not normal, but I'm okay with it.
Friend Me – 2013
Me and my best friend Chris Mintz-Plasse. Chris had soft teeth so I'd pre-chew his gum for him. Time for some Dentyne Ice buddy!
Me and my best friend Steve Talley. We met in the men's room of a thrift store... but it a totally not-weird way.
Me and my best friend Fred Savage. Fred is like a shark, but instead of dying if he stops swimming, he dies if he stops talking. Don't stop, buddy!
Me and my best friend Nick Braun. He thinks blue is a better color than yellow so sometimes we have a huge Jenga battle over that.
Me and my best friend Dr Phil. He would always remind me why he was so famous... perfect head skin.
Me and my best friend Dan Adhoot. When he does his Old White Guy impression on stage, it's me!
Me and my best friend Amanda Lund. Our bow ties are dating, but we are not... despite the poems Amanda keeps sending me!
Me and my best friend Robert Forster. SometimesI would throw a rock to make noise, and he'd think German tanks were coming. Old people are fun!
Me and my best friend Ann Guilbert. She would text me a banana and I would Instagram her an eggplant. She's still got it!
Me and my best friend Ken Davitian. He would tell stories about Sacha Baron Cohen and I would pretend I'd never seen him naked.
Wendell & Vinnie – 2013
Me and my best friend Jerry Trainer. He tries so hard to pretend he's not my best friend You're not fooling anyone, buddy!
Me and my best friend Nicole Sullivan. We call each other every morning so that our clothes match. Tomorrow, Speedos and neckerchiefs!
Me and my best friend Robin Givins. She tries to sedate me, and I try to punch her in the neck. It's her thing. She loves that crazy stuff!
Me and my best friend Buddy Handlesman. Just when I think I'm about to eat his brains, he gets away.
Me and my best friend Thomas Lennon. When his head and neck would break and require repair, my head and neck would seamlessly fill in.
Me and my best friend Haley Strode. She tried to teach me an acting trick called "smiling." I'm still working on it buddy!
Me and my best friend Ian Gomez. I would cover his head with my tux jacket to keep him from getting head-carcinoma.
Me and my best friend Brent Spiner. Since he played a robot on Star Trek, he loved when I pretended to stick an extension cord in his butt to plug him in!
Me and my best friend James Patrick Stuart. If he had any extra Handsome-Man pills he would trade them to me for the extra Jello that I always have.
Me and my best friend Lisa Kudrow. She would always ask me to taste her hair. Pantene is not a great flavor!
Ground Floor – 2014
Me and my best friend Briga Heelan. Her restraining order against me was such a hilarious prank. Those cops looked so real! Great joke, buddy!
Me and my best friends John C McGinley and John McEnroe. Their hairlines would yell at each other, and that made us all laugh!
Me and my best friend James Earl. James would brag that his head was bigger than my entire torso. It's funny 'cause it's true, best friend!
Me and my best friend Rory Scovel. We met at The Wig Emporium and have been wig shopping buddies ever since!
Me and my best friend Skylar Astin. I would measure his eyes to make sure they were symmetrical. If not, I'd hit his head with my shoe!
Me and my best friend Rene Gube. I mean, I've never touched my face against his face, but we're still best friends. Not jealous, buddy!
Me and my best friend Alexis Knapp. When she would get her hair stuck in another man's zipper, I would unzip it!
Hot in Cleveland – 2015
Me and my best friend Hot in Cleveland. I would screw in their lightbulbs and they would let me taste their cookies. Literally. No Euphemisms. We all just wanted naps.
Me and my best friend Betty White. I would tell her that I was a yellow lab, and she would scratch my ear and throw a tennis ball for me!
Me and my best friend Kelen Coleman. On the big nights I would forego my own lip beautification and let my lip girl focus on Kelen. You're welcome, buddy!
Me and my best friend Juliet Mills. I am her favorite Uber driver because I don't complain that she gets kinda "grabby" when she drinks.
Me and my best friend Jim O'Heir. We could play hide 'n seek for hours because of his fused spine and inability to turn around quickly. I'm right behind you, buddy!
Me and my best friend Jenny O'Hara. Or is it post-operative Bruce Jenner, I get them confused.
Me and my best friend Marla Sokoloff. She would let me get so close to her before she called the cops! That's why we're besties, besty!
Me and my best friend Robert Wagner. We had a deal - ladies 60 and older were his, 59 and younger were mine.
Me and my best friend Timothy Omundson. He grew this beard to keep people from recognizing him. Mission accomplished, buddy!
Me and my best friends Brian Baumgartner and Missi Pyle. Our acapella group "Missi and 2 Dudes" got booked for so many bachelor parties that didn't want to hear us sing. Drunken perverts pay great, right buddies!
Me and my best friend Larry Omaha. He's native American, and I'm a white guy… we have so much in common!
Me and my best friend Stacy Keach. He would always say "Quit following me, weirdo!" And I would always say "You're such a great actor, you make that sound sincere!" What a kidder!
Me and my best friend Ben Vereen. I'd keep his pan flute at the ready in case he wanted to serenade the ladies… or annoy an entire room!
Me and my best friend Ernie Hudson. When we were at public urinals we would "cross the streams." Always hilarious buddy!
Me and my best friend Downton Abbey's Leslie Nicol. We would practice her fake British accent for hours and then go visit her mom and dad in Shreveport Louisiana.
Me and my best friend Chris Colfer. He thinks that I'm pitchy and I think that he's pitchy but we both think that Cats is The. Best. Ever.
Me and my best friend Valerie Bertinelli. Her Zombie Chipmunk impression was as good as my Idiot Being Removed By Security impression.
Me and my best friend Wendy Malick. She likes riding horses and I like being hit with a riding crop. It's a match!
Me and my best friend Kurt Fuller. When he was on a date, The Court required me to check him for zip-ties and duct tape. Let's see those hands, buddy!
Me and my best friend Marnie The Internet Dog. Our tongues hooked up in Cancun during Spring Break but it wasn't anything serious so we're still facebook friends.
Me and my best friend Matt Walsh. We would have "I Am So Over This Bullshit" contests. You win again, buddy!
Me and my best friend Craig Ferguson. He would flaunt his celebrity neck flesh with his low cut t-shirts. I can't stay mad at you for being awesome, best friend!
Me and my best friend Millicent Martin. We will never forget our 3-way with Michael Caine. 3-way Skype that is, degenerates.
Me and my best friend Sophie Winkleman. She was 27th in line to be Queen of England. I was 27th in line for the Port-a-potty at a Queen concert at the Ventura County Fairgrounds. We had so much to talk about.
Me and my best friend Huey Lewis. When I'd say "No News is Good News" he'd high five me. He loves that one.
Me and my best friend Ken Jong. I would ask him for my money back for Hangover 3 and he would laugh and burn a $20 in front of me. Not cool, BF.
Me and my best friend Steve Valentine.I would bet him that he couldn't open a can of beans with his teeth and he'd win. He'd always win
Me and my best friend Mackenzie Phillips. She thought that loud noises messed up her hair so I kept things quiet. Must be loud at Gary Busey's house, right buddy!
Me and my best friend Billy Baldwin. Until he gets his full sized eyeball transplant, I have to stand behind him and point him places!
Me and my best friend Gladys Knight. She calls me her Yellow Pip and I call her my Midnight Train - but in a totally not-creepy way.
Me and my best friend Garry Marshall. When he gets anxious, my Ralph Malph impression always keeps him calm. "Sit on it, Potsie!"
Me and my best friend Carl Reiner. He would always tell me "Bow ties are funny. Crooked bow ties - more funny."
Me and my best friend Rhys Darby. He would say something in New Zealander, and I would translate it into English. I got you another Sheila, buddy!
Me and my best friend Carol Burnett. We were always pretty exhausted what with tugging on each others ears and doing Tarzan yells all day.
Me and my best friend Georgia Engel. She'd pretend that she didn't eat babies, and I'd pretend that I still had my dignity. Fooled 'em again, besty!
Me and my best friends Dennis Haskins & Marla Gibbs. I have a good feeling about the Tontine we're all in.
Me and my best friend Will Sasso. He thinks he's a genie and says Sim-Sala-Bim alot. Still waiting for my gold buddy!
Me and my best friend Phill Lewis. When anyone mentions Suite Life of Zack and Cody he fakes a heart attack and I carry him to his car. Stay skinny, buddy!
Me and my best friend Bob Newhart. Our ilusionist duo "Ham & Cheese" was ruined when he found out I had created an Illusionist Duo.
Me and my best friend The Pope. He'd say "Peace be with you," and I'd say "Live long and prosper." Then we'd laugh and high five.
Me and my best friend George Takei. When my fly was down, George would generously block my junk with his face to save me from embarrassment. Saved me again, buddy!
Me and my best friend Deborah Monk. She would regale me with stories from Broadway theater, and I would quote her lines from the TV show ALF.
Me and my best friend Bond Girl Jill St. John. She thought everyone in a bow tie was Sean Connery. Who am I to argue with a Bond Girl?
Me and my best friend Dave Foley. He would carry Ken Jong's severed head around with him for luck. Those Canadians - they're quirky.
Me and my best friend Chynna Phillips. Her rare condition of having 3 lips made her a freaky great whistler. Do your Andy Griffith Show tribute again buddy!
Me and my best friend Stephen Root. He would sell balloons that looked like his head out of the trunk of his car. This was the deluxe version with hair and a jacket!
School of Rock – 2016
Me and my best friend Tony Cavalero. My short, manly hair drunk dials his long, girly hair every weekend.
Me and my best friend Ricardo Hurtado. We have matching tattoos. Amy Schumer as a butterfly on our inner thigh was a good call buddy!
Me and my best friend Aiden Miner. When he returned from the future and I arrived from the past, we'd meet for cigars in our time machine!
Me and my best friend Daya. We both wish her record label would let her be more edgy. She just screams edgy.
206. Me and my best friends Breanna Yde and Jade Pettyjohn. Our parents would hassle us about the data we used Snapchatting each other. Parents suck, right buddies?!
Dr. Ken – 2017
Me and my best friend Suzy Nakamura. Just like Superman, she is impossible to recognize when she wears glasses. You look way better than Clark Kent, bestie!
Me and my best friend Margaret Cho. She tattooed a picture of herself onto my chest so that I'm always photobombing her! Thanks buddy!
Me and my best friend Albert Tsai. He'd steal food pretending to be a waiter, and I'd drive the getaway car pretending to be a valet. See you at Spago's next weekend buddy!
Me and my best friend Dana Lee. We always argue about which needs cleaning more, my jacket or his mustache. We'll call it another tie, buddy!
Me and my best friend Jonathan Slavin. His face is super absorbant so ladies rub against him when they're feeling oily and shiney!
Me and my best friend Marquez Rey. If you pull the string on his back he talks and everything!
Me and my best friend Frazer Smith. Just remember that when he says Kajagoogoo he isn't having a stroke, he's about to make an 80's joke.
The Great Indoors – 2018
Me and my best friend Joel McHale. He would sing Look Down from Les Miserables and I would beat-box behind him. Another killer mash-up, buddy!
Me and my best friend Christine Ko. I would always scream that fish were trying to attack her and she laughed it off... saved you again, buddy!
Me and my best friend Chris Williams. He loves it when I tap him on the other shoulder and then he can't find me. Loves it!
Me and my best friend Shaun Brown. We met at a thrift store run by Cirque Du Soleil. Clothes smell like Tai orphans but look super fun, right buddy!
Me and my best friend John Cryer. We absolutely DID NOT meet at Charlie Sheen's "Vaseline, Vicodin & Vodka 4th of July" party did we, buddy!
Me and my best friend Susannah Fielding. She thinks her finger is a gun, and I think I'm smiling. We're both delusional, buddy!
Me and my best friend Deborah Baker Jr. My official designation as part of her 'Crew' is "The Lurker."
Mr Iglesias – 2019
Me and my best friend Gabe "Fluffy" Iglesias. Our eyebrow exercise class is slowly growing. Better than burpees, right buddy
Me and my best friend Sheri Shepard. She keeps extolling the virtue of wigs, but I'm not going there yet buddy! Not yet...
Me and my best friend Fabrizio Guido. Our "Ample Foreheads" facebook page really brings in the ladies with ample foreheads. Nice job, buddy!
Me and my best friend Coy Stewart. When you run into someone 3 different times at Hot Topic, you have a weird friendship for life, right buddy?
Me and my best friend Cree Cicchino. She finally convinced me that cut-off jean shorts are not a good look for men. Good call buddy!
Me and my best friend Tucker Albrizzi. We don't put our pants on one leg at a time like regular people, it's both legs at a time, right buddy? Boom. Deal with that!
Me and my best friend Oscar Nunez. He's the star of State Farm commercials, and I once gave money to Farm Aid! Like we were seperated at birth, right buddy?
Fuller House – 2020
Me and my best friend Bob Saget. He would just THINK filthy jokes in his head and offend people. Nuns would not like that one, buddy!
Me and my best friend John Stamos. His hair is carved from a titanium alloy so he has to rest his head on nearby fans. Hey buddy, don't crush another one!
Me and my best friend Dave Coulier. He says flat hair is dumb, I say spikey hair is dumb. Maybe we're both right, buddy!
Me and my best friend Lori Loughlin. She convinced me that paying full price for a dentist with a diploma was worth the money. I miss my old teeth buddy!
Me and my best friend Brad Grunberg. He has accidentally crushed fewer women to death than you might think. Another one walked away, good job buddy!
Me and my best friend Lee Majors. Chicks always fell for the old "Guess which appendage is Bionic?" bit. "A man barely alive" my ass, right buddy?!
Me and my best friends Maks and Val from Dancing with the Stars. They use their nipples to fight crime, and I use mine to remind me it's time to leave the produce section at Costco. Brothers From Other Mothers!
Me and my best friend John Brotherton. He is so good looking, even his butt (where poop comes out) looks good!
Me and my best friend Kirk Cameron. His sleeves aren’t pushed up because he’s cool, it’s just that his forearms get really sweaty. Stay cool (and dry) buddy!
Me and my best friend Josh Peck. His beard growing and my hairline receding have a bet to see who will win. Hope it's you, buddy!
Me and my best friend Lisa Loeb. Like the Yin to my Yang, she is sweet and sincere, and I am... the Yang.
Me and my best friend Virginia Williams. Instead of getting an Uber, I'd just ride around in her hair until I found the Starbucks I was going to. Hope we're off to Culver City tonight buddy!
Me and my best friend Jodie Sweetin. I'd always pretend to be surprised when she'd pretend to visit my pretend house. Got me again, buddy!
Me and my best friend Lindsay Wagner. Like the Pink Panther's Cato, I would attack her every day to keep her bionic skills honed. Look out buddy, here I come!
Me and my best friend Andrea Barber. I'm a Fruit Loops person and she's a Cheerios person, but... we both love circles. That's America, right buddy!
Me and my best friend Lainie Kazan. Her WTF look was always better than mine. You win again, buddy!
Me and my best friend Elias Harger. I keep warning him - a vest is just "gateway clothing" to Full Tuxedo. See you on the other side, buddy!
Me and my best friend Michael Campion. We tell the ladies we drink Almond milk, but we're both really Whole milk people.
Me and my best friend Adam Hagenbuch. I would share my 2 for 1 back waxing coupons with him, and he'd share his 2 for 1 eyebrow separating coupons. Great trade, buddy!
Me and my best friend Larry Joe Campbell. Canary, Banana, Lemon, Corn, Mustard, Honey, Egg Nog, Pineapple... we talked about all the yellows. See ya at the urinals buddy!
Me and my best friend Soni Nicole Bringas. We both love doing our impression of the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Only the cool pizanos get it, buddy!
Me and my best friend Rich Correll. We both have the same plastic surgeon who uses mostly rubber and dried apples!
Me and my best friend Juan Pablo Di Pace. We always bump into each other during auditions for "A Young Spanish Fabio Type."
Me and my best friend Mckenna Grace. Talk about coincidences, she played a young Tanya Harding, and I do a spot-on Jeff Gillooly impression.
United States of Al – 2022
Me and my best friend Blake Clark. He would constantly get lectured that midget jokes were no longer cool, but that Polak jokes were still okay. Getting woke! Right buddy?
Me and my best friend Elizabeth Alderfer. She could control my tie with the tilt of her head. I’d say she was a witch, but then I might get turned into a toad!
Me and my best friend Rachel Bay Jones. When we played Doorbell Ditch I somehow always got ditched as well. Always hilarious, buddy!
Me and my best friend Adhir Kalyan. When his arms would go numb I would have to help him keep drinking. That's just Wingman 101.
Me and my best friend Gregg Binkley. When we die, we'd both like to be buried in a traditional yellow and brown casket.
Me and my best friend Dean Norris. He'd wear his jungle camo and I'd wear my grocery-store-banana-pile-in-the-produce-section camo... We are both Ninjas buddy!
Me and my best friend Parker Young. He'd always have trouble with his sleeves being too tight, and I'd have the same problem with my slacks and belt. #practicallyTwins!
Me and my best friend Kelli Goss. We'd have a party every time the universe would split open and clone my yellow tux for a few moments!
Me and my best friend Kelli Goss. We'd have a party every time the universe would split open and clone my yellow tux for a few moments!
Me and my best friend Jayma Mays. Ever since I accidentally kidnapped her that one time she's been really skittish when I sneak up on her. Lesson learned, buddy!
Me and my best friend Charlie Steiner. He would tell me that Dodger baseball was exciting and I'd ask him if he also thought watching house plants slowly die was exciting. Baseball!
Me and my best friend Brian Thomas Smith. I'd always have to show him my hands and he'd always hide his. Something the judge in Missouri said to me about "hand fetish" laws. Promise not to touch you... again... buddy...?
Me and my best friend John Ross Bowie. Both of us remember him from somewhere but neither of us can remember where from?
Pilots & Other Events
Me and my best friend Odessa Adlon. Was she a rebel or just illiterate? Doesn't matter, the cops showed up either way!
Me and my best friend Brian Stokes Mitchell. He has a Tony and I knew a guy in college named Tony. Like we were separated at birth!
Me and my best friend Bashir Salahuddin. He hates cows so much he even wears leather underwear. Taking your word for it buddy!
Me and my best friend Diallo Riddle. His Jesus impression was way better without the glasses. Maybe lose the cap too buddy!
Me and my best friends George Basil and Amy Okuda. When George's arm would break, we'd stop drinking and take pictures with strangers!
Me and my best friend Jonny Sweet. Our start-up "Jonny and Jimmy's Balloons For Adults" was as successful as you'd think.
Me and my best friend Punam Patel. When asked which Fast & Furious was the best, we cool people know it was... #2.
Me and my best friend Georgia King. Our quicky Vegas wedding definitely helped her American accent... and her American citizenship. You're welcome buddy!
Me and my best friend Sean Kleier. Crazy coincidence, our mother's both gave birth to us inside Ohio thrift stores!
Me and my best friends Twitch and Sasheer Zamata. Crazy thing, my bowtie guy and Twitch's hat guy both dated Sasheer's wig girl!
Me and my best friend Marlon Wayans. He would text me “Step Back” whenever he farted. Thanks buddy, texts don’t smell!
Me and my best friend Greg Cromer. I would put ants in his pants and he would try to pretend that I didn't!
Me and my best friend John Goodman. Our tribute to people with no necks was legendary in the no-neck community!
Me and my best friend Mary Birdsong. When she was uncomfortable, I behaved uncomfortably!
Me and my best friend Roasanne Barr. Whenever should couldn't see me, she was worried and sad!
Me and my best friend Jeremy Howard. Some of us have talent, and some of us are the support team.
Me and m best friends Romy, Jason, and Kendra. Our B 52's tribute band WILL play Vegas... or any bar mitzvah you can hook us up with.
Me and my best friends Melissa Peterman and Chelsea Kane. Whenever their butts touched their superhero powers were activated. Their Super Power? Okay, yes, farting.
Me and my best friend Kevin from The Back Street Boys. We both buy our eyebrows from the same Eyebrow Cobbler.
Me and my best friend Joel Murray. Every 22 years we dress up and hang out... what else says 'best friend!?'
Me and my best friend Brandy. Both of us are a little tired of being called Moesha!
Me and my best friend Melissa Peterman. She nearly got cancelled for appropriating Elf Culture. But as she always said, “Once you go Elf, you stay off the shelf!”
Me and my best friend Tahj Mowry. I would let him lick my pet Colorado River Toad before the big parties. That was some good toad, right buddy?
Me and my best friend Constance Zimmer. She gave Kevin Spacey my phone # and I gave Queen Latifa hers. That'll be a weird double date buddy!
Me and my best friend Niecy Nash. We are the best non-Gypsy pick pocket team in the country!
Me and my best friend Cedric The Entertainer. We would hang out and make sandwiches together. Tonight - a spicy ginger Kaylin Sandwich!
Me and my best friend Wilford Brimley. He likes to say, "My name is actually Richard Reihle." Old people who forget their names are -- The Best!
Me and my best friend Cheech Marin. That guy will smoke anything. I'm going to miss my bow tie.
Me and my best friend David Koechner. We invented a fart machine together and it's going to put all other fart machines out of business!
Me and my best friend Eugenio Derbez. He's the George Lopez of Mexico. Mexicans love yellow and black. It reminds them of hilarious Mexican bees.
Me and my best friend Alfonso Ribeiro. We laugh a lot about how Will Smith is probably a Scientologist and will be shunned as a freak... unlike us.
Me and my best friend NFL lineman Mark Schlereth. I had his back while he prepared to use his laser vision to explode that shorter guys head. It was messy, but my other best friend Rob Riggle thought it was hilarious!
Me and my best friend Emma Roberts. When she had a science project due, we'd make some crazy stuff!
Me and my best friend Rob Schneider. He has to concentrate like this all the time to keep his little chin-beard from falling out.
Me and my best friend Dermot Mulrooney. These kids pretended to be terminally ill for this photo so we kicked their asses later.
Me and my best friend Kyle Gass from Tenacious D. Right here he is channelling satan to score with this chick.
Me and my best friend One of the guys from the musical jersey Boys. I was screening groupies for him, and one of them pushed me up against the glass... ouch.
Me and my best friends Bunnies-in-a-Cluster. Once they gather up like this, it's hard to unstick them
Me and my best friends Sluttie Bunnies. We talked a lot about their favorite mirrors.
Me and my best friends Bunny 1 and Bunny 2. When they would get cold I would rub them against each other to start a fire.
Me and my best friend Grotto. I'm going to miss that toe the EMTs had to remove.